Witty Bean

So much of what we know about love, we learn from movies and books. Dashing dudes on motorcycles and sultry femmes in their pastel best. A formula for romance, peppered with grand gestures and heady kisses. Ah, so magical! We yearn for those fireworks and try our hardest to replicate the same formula in our lives.  And yes, sometimes Love is Dazzling. Scary in its intensity, thrilling, all-consuming. Verses of Poetry waiting on our work desk. A dozen roses, simply because. He’s loud, he’s magnetic, and he takes your breath away. You walk around in a daze, drunk on this love.  But sometimes Love is subtle. Unexpressed with words but loud in its own way. He gets home Pizza and a tub of Chocolate ice cream. Surprise breakfasts delivered to your bed, buying Tampons with zero embarrassment. Fueling up your Car to save you time in the morning, seeking your agreement but respecting your ‘NO’s. He may forget to kiss you before leaving for work, but calls at noon ju...

Day 1. My hotel room has funny looking walls. They’re painted an odd color, but I could live with that. The journey has been exhausting, and I ache everywhere. So I lean back and doze off. Shortly after, a soft thrumming from the walls wakes me up. A neighbor, probably. My head bobs to the tempo. Mmmm. Catchy. A few hearty sips of my favorite shake. And before I know it, I’m asleep again. Day 2. The music is louder. The dark walls stare at me. I stretch my body when I feel it. But how? How could I have grown larger? In what 4 hours? I feel the first tendrils of fear. My tummy growls, needing, nagging. Oh well, a voice whispers from inside. A couple of sips won’t hurt. Right? Wrong! I balloon bigger and bigger until I hear a comical pop. Wait, is this a dream? Was my shake spiked? I wait a long minute and peek. Thankfully, I’m still intact. But twice as large as before. There are these weird bumps over me and goddamnit, how can I STILL BE RAVENOUS?! Day 4. I lose track...

I recently had an interesting assignment in one of my writing groups-"Pretend you’re the opposite gender. Write a honest and heartfelt letter to your spouse." It got me thinking really hard about the male (opposite gender) perspective and how he might perceive everyday situations.This is what I came up with. I hope you enjoy this “husband’s letter to his wife”. ------------------------------------------------------------ Hey Wifey, I am a man. Raised in a culture where I wasn’t encouraged to express my innermost thoughts and feelings without risking ridicule. I am supposed to be “Macho” and “Stoic” and bottle up deeper emotions unless they’re about Sports/Politics. If I wanted to profess love/grief/despair or something subtler, I am expected to use few words and fewer tears. For too long, Toxic Masculinity has dictated how I should act and talk. Well… no more. Because I’m bigger than that. And you deserve better. So my dear Wifey, here are some things you should k...

Academics and academic success. Oh boy, these bring back some weird memories. Of aunties with braided hair fussing outside Exam halls. Commercials on TV where the mom pours out Bournvita with a semi manic gleam in her eyes; her child working away into the night. Rote learning, rulers slapping little palms and the Rank systems at school. “Tune kya answer likha?” “Yaar iss baar na, pakka fail.” “Mumma, can you please not show Papa my report card,”. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I’ve seen the worst of what academic expectations can do to a young child. My mom never pressurized me to study. At least not overtly. She made the occasional, “look how well XYZ is scoring, maybe you can do that too” comment, but nothing worse than that. But I remember friends who couldn’t eat until they had done their homework perfectly. A classmate who’s mom dropped in during lunch every day (EVERY DAY!) to quiz him on Geography/Science. Class toppers announcing snottily that they probably got one answer w...

TEARS . I’m glad for them. Tears means there is love. Your daughter’s tears when she doesn’t get one more story before bedtime. Your son’s voluminous eyes glinting because he heard about your overnight trip. Love for companionship, love for family, love for doing something meaningful/meaningless with people you care about. ANGER . When your husband snaps at you because you’re scrolling on your phone instead of snuggling with him in bed. The exasperation that comes from missed conversations and tired parenting. Irritation with a friend who keeps canceling, your child annoying you with a 30 minute “joke”. Acknowledge this anger fully and appreciate what it symbolizes. It keeps you on your toes and reminds you about the important bits of your life. The parts that are worth getting worked up about. The people who will always hold your heart in their hands. I’m thankful for UNKINDNESS . Unkindness reminds you to inspect how you interact with people. A rude comment, a mean act - these...

I love winter. We don’t get snow in my part of California, but it still gets very cold. I own a snazzy collection of coats/fleece leggings and cashmere sweaters, so it is by far my favorite season. Plus, it is always fun to go four months without shaving your legs.  This morning is colder than usual. My breath is misting, there’s a fine layer of frost on the bedroom window and my Spinal column takes an extra minute to unfreeze before I can finally sit up. And then, slowly, everything falls apart. My neck hurts horribly (hello late 30s!), the toaster dies after burning one slice, my son has his 345th cold of the season. And I feel so, so blue.  “Don’t cry! Don’t cry! Don’t you dare cry,” I whisper to myself. A quick glance at the phone app confirms I’m likely PMSing, but that doesn’t make the sadness go away. I snap at the kids who are bickering and pour out my 3rd cup of coffee. The kids resume their whining, and I look outside the window at the neighbor’...

I watched the movie ‘Stree’ recently and loved every second. (For those who don’t know, Stree is a Bollywood movie about an evil spirit who abducts men after calling out their name seductively.) Horror and Comedy are my favorite genres, and as the credits rolled, a little idea popped into my head. You see, I fancy myself something of a prankster. So that same night, once the kids were asleep, I crouched under my bed and waited for my husband to retire for the day. And soon enough, he came, eyes glued to his little screen, watching some YouTube Video. A little later, I felt the familiar creak as he settled down on the bed. Patience is my forte, so I waited a minute more. Then I jangled a few bangles I’d kept ready for just this purpose (Much like Baden Powell, my motto is Be Prepared).  *Jangle Jangle Jangle*  The tinny sound of the YouTube Video paused. Now I had his attention. Then in my creepiest ‘Stree’  voice, I said: “Raghav,”. ...