Skip to main content

Girls and Boys and all that noise!



In a curious case of reverse gender inequality, someone asked this question recently. Why is it considered acceptable to say “we want a baby girl”, or even “gender doesn’t matter”. If one wants a baby boy, is it still taboo to express that?



Before I speak any further, I’m putting out a big disclaimer. No disrespect intended and I don’t mean to trample on anyone’s voice. I’m also trying very hard not to soapbox, and I hope you can see that.

*Big breath in. And out.*

Historically, boys have always been seen as superior to girls. We all know that. Every inch of the way, women have had to fight for basic rights and equality. Our female ancestors have faced inequality in finances, health care, politics, arts. There are still countries, where women cannot vote, drive or visit a stadium to watch their favorite team play.We are sitting here in our cozy chairs, having a civil discussion, because of feminism and all those wonderful people who fought for us to even have voices.

In every part of the world, boys and men are celebrated intrinsically. Society centers around men and their opinions. This is a very basic truth. Men still are viewed as natural leaders and decision makers. It’s natural for people to assume that little boys will grow up to be doctors/engineers/CEOs. I mean, ask yourself this. Except in modern and progressive households, are the same assumptions made about girls? If you put a 26-year-old girl in the spotlight, under the gaze of society, will everyone wonder which company she is heading or will there be whispers about why she isn’t married yet? This is male privilege - the automatic assumption that males deserve and will get everything in life on their terms.

Something as basic as baby clothing. For boys, you’ll find words like “Rockstar” and “explorer” and “Achiever”, “Scientist”. And more likely, the girl clothing will have “princess” or “rainbow” or something that makes little sense. All those “Girl Power” shirts exist not because girls are better than boys. It’s because for so many centuries, girls were told they were inferior and don’t matter.

And this mentality hurts boys too.
“Why is your shirt pink?”
“Don’t cry like a girl.”
“Be a real man.”

So many little boys hear harmful sentences like these. Imagine how crushed they must feel, because they’re told to repress their emotions. Feminism is fighting against these hurtful mindsets so that every boy and every girl can be whoever they want to be.

Unfortunately, we still live in a world where at every level of society, women suffer. Rapes/abuse/salary gap/domestic duties - it’s always the female gender that’s impacted more.It’s against the law to figure out the gender of a child, because there are horrible pockets in parts of the world where female fetuses and infants are killed or thrown away.

So when someone tells me “I want a daughter”, it warms my heart. It shows me that somewhere, people are leaving behind conservative ideas and opening their hearts to raising a strong girl child.It gives me hope that we’re breaking free from the thoughts of “ladka hua toh accha hain”, and “we need a son to carry the family name forward”.
This is what progress looks like.

Our default mode is celebrating every male child, so when someone hopes for a little baby girl, isn’t that just wonderful?

If you have a son, congratulations! I know you’re raising him to be a lovely human who respects women and rebels against injustice.
If you have a daughter, congratulations. She will grow up to be this amazing warrior, because she’s been fighting for herself since she was a child.

And if you have one of each, like I do? They’ll learn about equality from a very young age. My son wears “the future is female” shirts. And my daughter frequently holds CEO meetings to demand new toys.

So never feel guilty for wanting a girl and never feel ashamed for having a boy.

If we do our jobs right, our kids will feel treasured and loved, no matter what gender they are. And if we do our jobs even better, decades from now, the gender of our children will be not dictate their lives.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hate the struggles, don't hate Autism.

Its 7 pm. Your child is yelling his head off because he does not want to hop in his bath. Tears are running down his face leaving clear trails in all the grime. Bribes have been offered. Voices raised in despair.  Visual schedules and timers have failed to move him. He does not want to have a bath and that is it. You're exhausted and stunned by the intensity of his tantrum. Unfortunately you cannot budge and you cannot give in because you're scared that it will set a precedent : Mom's a pushover.  But you also know that this tired little boy is soon approaching meltdown junction, where all bets are off and nobody wins. You take deep breaths and tell yourself its not about you right now! How do you help him navigate this ? He loves bath time. He loves water. He'd practically stay at the pool if you'd let him. So why is it suddenly so hard for him?  Why does this bright boy who can do math in his head and talk at length about how to build an airplane st...

20 perfect kernels of popcorn.

Button has always been a picky eater. No.... scratch that. How about super-sensitive-and-guaranteed-to-refuse-any-new-foods. That's a much better description. It's not just an autism thing. Part of it is probably the sensory defensiveness that comes under the autism umbrella and part of is it anxiety about new tastes and textures. I mean - this kid hasn't eaten candy in his entire life!! Could care less about ice cream or pizza! I know, I know - he sounds like an ideal 6 year old who only eats healthy stuff, but man, this is way worse than that. He accepts 6 foods and that's the 6 food choices he's been sticking to for the past 4 years. Its a constant cycle of dosa-pasta-rice-pretzels-chips-fries. So no....not healthy by any means. And his dislike of non preferred foods is so strong, that he will actually gag at us eating a meal. Its that bad! Eating at restaurants means taking his meal along with us and he's that one kid at the party that's eating his ...

Groucho Marx

Today I'm feeling like lists, so here goes. Things that really annoy me : People who brag about how little sleep they got - we get it! Coworkers, cashiers, random people you run into. Somehow this is meant to convey a sense of superpower : "I slept for just 2 hours and look how functional I am". Well, I got news for you! I see all the surreptitious yawns you think you're hiding and I've seen corpses look fresher, so here's your damn medal. Now shut up about sleep! Not-so-obvious racists : See these jerks are worse than overt racists because you can never spot them coming. You're standing in line at the grocery checkout, and you get this weird vibe coming off Cashier Susan who's quick to smile and greet every white customer. But when it's my turn, Cashier Susan will grunt a non committal sound, lose the chirpy eye contact and rush through the process, before smiling widely at the blonde lady next in line. I've seen Cashier Susan fo...