Skip to main content

Captain SuperPants


A weekday morning conversation between husband and me

Raghav: Hey, have you seen my phone?
Me: No, not really. Did you check the nightstand? Your desk?
R: Not there.
Me: Really? Ok,let me call you?
R: It’s on silent mode.
Me: ðŸ˜’😒😒
R: You know what, try calling. Maybe it’ll vibrate and knock something over.

A pause.

Me: The magic in our marriage never ends, does it?
R: Oh just call me, already.

Five minutes of absolute silence later.

R: The battery must have died.
Me: How about you use the “Find my iPhone” feature?
R: I already did. Last known location is our House.
Me: Ok, let’s think about this. Where did you last see it?
R: *Clapping slowly* If I remembered that, wouldn’t I go looking there myself?
Me: Whoa, lots of sarcasm from someone who lost his workout pants last week! How does someone lose his pants?!!
R: *itwasatthegymshuddup*
Me: What was that? A little louder?
R: Pants were at the Gym. Good thing I had an extra pair, huh?
Me: Ok firstly, your pants were in the Lost and Found bin at the Gym. The gym employees and I had a good ten-minute laugh about it. Secondly, tell me all the places you looked. The phone has got to be here somewhere.
R: *counting on fingers*. Checked the gym bag, the Nightstand and my Car. Not there. Did a clean sweep of the Desk. Phone’s vanished.

A little bulb clicked in my head. I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
Now I don’t know about your husbands, but mine is blessed with a superpower. He can’t fly or turn invisible or something lame like that.
No, his superpower is far more useful.
If he insists that a missing object isn’t in a particular place and he’s “sure” because “God, I already looked a million times there, Pavi”, then you can stop searching.
Because, that missing item will be in that exact same place.
Honestly, it’s magical. Exasperating but magical.

So ignoring the nightstand and the gym bag, I walked over to his desk. Took me less than 10 seconds to find the iPhone hiding under a file folder. It grinned devilishly at me, so I jabbed it into the charging dock with a little more force than necessary.
R: So on the desk, huh?
Me: Yup.
R: Well. Hmmm. Right. I’m off to the gym. Love ya!
And with a sheepish grin on his face, my Superhero Husband drove off; his gym bag bulging under the weight of the 3 extra pairs of pants I put in.




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

20 perfect kernels of popcorn.

Button has always been a picky eater. No.... scratch that. How about super-sensitive-and-guaranteed-to-refuse-any-new-foods. That's a much better description. It's not just an autism thing. Part of it is probably the sensory defensiveness that comes under the autism umbrella and part of is it anxiety about new tastes and textures. I mean - this kid hasn't eaten candy in his entire life!! Could care less about ice cream or pizza! I know, I know - he sounds like an ideal 6 year old who only eats healthy stuff, but man, this is way worse than that. He accepts 6 foods and that's the 6 food choices he's been sticking to for the past 4 years. Its a constant cycle of dosa-pasta-rice-pretzels-chips-fries. So no....not healthy by any means. And his dislike of non preferred foods is so strong, that he will actually gag at us eating a meal. Its that bad! Eating at restaurants means taking his meal along with us and he's that one kid at the party that's eating his ...

Red Light.

Veena swerved her car, narrowly missing the pothole. The tires caught on some ice and her heart stopped. She clenched her jaw and steered hard. Finally, thankfully, the wheels regained traction. Purring on in a straight line, her car approached the traffic signal. Blink. Blink. Blink. And Red light. They would likely fire her today. The new boss didn’t care about her divorce or mortgage problems. If her ex knew, he would probably say she deserved this for dumping him. For a disorienting moment, she wished she could go back. The abuse, the cheating. Anything was better than this crushing despair.  With no real career or romantic prospects, she felt she was drowning. And so for the first time in her 46 years, Veena contemplated suicide. Why not end it all? How badly would it hurt? She was startled out of her reverie by an SUV in the next lane. A favorite tune, long forgotten blared out of the speakers. A young man, thirty at most was in the driver’s seat. With the bluest eyes...

Girls and Boys and all that noise!

In a curious case of reverse gender inequality, someone asked this question recently. Why is it considered acceptable to say “we want a baby girl”, or even “gender doesn’t matter”. If one wants a baby boy, is it still taboo to express that?